Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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