Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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