she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
