the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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