I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
