I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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