"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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