Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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