paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
