my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
