Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
