um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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