she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
