I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
