it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
