I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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