I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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