Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
