He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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