You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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