I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
