anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
