what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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