I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
