I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
