If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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