hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
