Me. At least after what I've been through.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
