nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
