Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
