I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
