i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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