somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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