covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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