Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
