mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
