I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
