my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
