That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
