nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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