Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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