I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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