i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
