The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
