I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
