i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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