a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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