i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
