i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
drinking out of a sandbucket again
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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