Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
