Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
