she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
