I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
