For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
