dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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